The Reeling Feeling

“You have to lift your head out of the mud and just do it” -Teri Garr

Yesterday I made the HUGE leap forward and shared my first blog posting on Facebook. Needless to say there were a few shocked people. Even family and close friends did not know how I was truly feeling, although they had their suspicions. The response from everyone was simply amazing. I mean I knew the usual suspects would respond like Mom, dad, in-laws, brothers, sisters and a select few friends, but then I started receiving responses from casual acquaintances and friends of friends and even someone who I have no known link to. I truly feel I have an army of people behind me and with all your love, thoughts, prayers & support I can leave all my past issues right where they belong; a stepping stone to a better me!

I wanted to talk about putting your troubles out there for everyone to see, absorb and critique. For years when I read Facebook posts about someone struggling with something, I often wouldn’t read it or think to my self “wow, they should be keeping that private and deal with things on their own”. Looking back I realize how selfish that was of me. For those of you who have put themselves out there and I didn’t offer support or encouragement I am truly sorry and frankly embarrassed. I know now how hard it is to reveal your struggles. I vow I will NEVER let this happen again. I will be there for you. I may not always be able to give the best advice or even the answers you need, but I will be there to hear you out and help in any way I can. This is my promise to ANYONE, and I truly mean ANYONE, even if I don’t know you feel free to message me and I will be there for you.

Another thing I wanted to mention was my experience the first day I joined the YMCA. After exiting the change room for the fist time I started to feel a rush of anxiety overcome me. I was seconds away from turning around and head back to the change room, when this man, who was probably in his 60’s said to me “Good luck, and keep your head up”. I don’t know if he saw the panic look in my eyes or just picking up on the fact I was walking with a cane and carried a lot of weight. What ever it was, it set a fire inside me. The statement was short and to the point but it helped me at that moment. I want to thank that man, but I’m not sure I’d even recognize him . I ask those of you reading this now, if you ever see anyone struggling in anyway please wish them luck and remind them to keep their head up because those simple words can go a long way.

Thanks for reading! Keep your head up and good luck with whatever it is your doing or going through.


Excuses Are Useless!

This morning I had planned to go for a 9:15am Aqua fit class after I brought my wife to work. When I woke up in the morning I was feeling congested from a head cold, my foot was swelled and sore. I easily determined I was taking the class off and MAYBE I’ll go for a swim tonight.

After I dropped Rochelle off at work and while driving home I really started think about Maybe going for a swim tonight. It was that maybe that really got me. What exactly did maybe mean? I think at the time at least it ment I didn’t have an excuse not to go but I’d have time to think of an excuse later. This is when I decided I’ll go for sure!

Then I started thinking about my excuses for not going at 9:15am. Yes I had chest congestion, but I could take cold medication to help with those symptoms. So there’s one excuse not to go gone. And yes my foot was hurting and swelled but it hurts and is swollen most of the time, so what would a few hours of sitting in my recliner doing nothing do? The answer is nothing. ┬áSo as I pulled into my driveway I decided I will go for the morning class. I can’t let excuses win. I must be strong, I must focus on my goal.

I rushed around and grabbed all the things I needed and stuffed them into my gym bag. I made it to the gym and down to the pool with only a minute to spare. The instructor today was a very intense one and ran a very fast paced class and really had me pushing my limits. When the class was over I sat in my car and thought how happy I was for going as you can see in the post workout selfie.

First Steps

As I mentioned in my previous post I have attempted loosing weight and live a healthy lifestyle in the past with some quick success, but it didn’t last. In those other times I kinda rushed into things, changing my eating habits and lifestyle all at once. This time I plan to take a different approach. To Start I’m not changing eating habits too drastically to in the beginning. Instead I will focus on getting my ass to the gym for the aqua fit every day. Once I get into a good comfortable routine this is the point i plan to change up my diet. I don’t plan on being overly restrictive, just make better choices and quantity I’m eating.

Another thing I’m doing that is different is this blog. I’m generally a fairly private person and don’t often share my emotions or thoughts. I feel by using this blog as a journal of sorts will help keep me motivated. I’m also asking for your help and encouragement. Soon I’m going to need advice on exercises I should be doing and can do given my foot injury. I look forward to getting messages and comments from you whether your friend, family or stranger. All is welcome.

In closing I’d like share some of my stats as I start this journey. I will post often an any updates.

Age 35

Weight 348.2

Height 5’7′

Desired weight: 180

Fist goal: 338.0 (10 pound loss)


From There to Here

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. – Arthur Ashe

I’m going to take these words and start a journey, one that I’ve started and failed many times before. I guess I can’t say failed, as I have had some success. About two years ago I was able to go from 330 lbs  to 290 in about 4 months. I was quite proud of myself, but for some reason or an excuse I can’t quite come up with now, I just kind of stopped. I stopped going to the gym. I stopped eating healthy and most of all I stopped being proud. In all fairness this is just about the time my life started to take a deep nose dive.

I lost a job, one that I was very happy doing. It forced me to have to take another job that was not right for me, but was thankful to have it. After about a month of this job, I reentered the world of retail as a supervisor for a truck unloading team for a big box retailer. I absolutely hated this job. It took a toll on me physically and mentally. At the same time of this rough time in my life, my wife discovered she was pregnant. Something we’ve been wanting for the entirety of out 8 year(at the time) Marriage.

I remember being so ecstatic about this revelation. This made that terrible job more easy to go to. It was for a purpose, it was now about supporting a family. My wife and I went to see our fertility clinic and get an ultrasound. They told us they did hear a heartbeat but it was weak. There were two reasons for this, either the pregnancy wasn’t as far along as we thought or the fetus was in distress. Out of naivety we chose to believe it was just too early. We began telling family and close friends. It was about 2 weeks later we found out during an ultra sound there was no longer a heartbeat and the fetus did not survive. This was a complete devastating blow to my wife and I, but we both vowed to get past this set back quickly start trying again. Once again our naivety got the best of us, we did not realize the mental strain this put on us. Getting pregnant again has yet to happen for us.

In late June or early July 2016 I responded to a job advertisement for a new tool retailer coming to my town. I got an interview and then landed a job, it wasn’t in management as I hoped, but I knew given my work ethic and leadership capabilities I could quickly move into a leadership role I desired. I was feeling good. I was happy. I was optimistic about my future. It seemed brighter than ever. I gave my two weeks notice to my old employer and set my sights on the future. At this same time my wife’s oldest brother’s own life became unraveled and without being asked we hoped into our car in the middle of the night and went to rescue him.( I say rescue because in our minds that what we felt like we were doing, in hind sight we were just dealing the inevitable) I’m not going to get into full details, but we both really went out on a limb for this. Missed several days of work and had to put down a small amount of money to help him. At this point he traveled back with us to our home where he lived for over 2 months until one weekend where things were reveled and it was decided we could no longer be of help to him and he returned to his home town. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.

The story now brings us to December 2016. Things are back to normal for my wife and I. We’ve began to talk about getting pregnant again. My job is going well. I really feel like I’ve found a place where I could essentially spent the rest of my workign life. Then December 9th happened.

It was about 11 PM. Only a few hours left in my shift at work, when another employee and I were putting away several hydraulic cylinders. These cylinders were to be hung on hooks for display. We came to one of this biggest we sell and knew we’d struggle to put it on the hook. So we cleared the row we were working on and started lifting this massive cylinder when all of a sudden other cylinders on the adjacent rows began falling. One of them, landed squarely on the top of my foot, just beyond the part protected by the steep cap in my shoe. Instantly I started feeling pain. The ambulance was called. While waiting for the ambulance I could feel the swelling and in a panic we removed my shoe and socks. I looked at my foot and at the time it reminded me of the top of a blue berry muffin. I thought for sure it was broken. After being taken to the hospital and having x-rays it was determined there was no break and I was relieved. I guess that was also naive of me.

The recovery from this has been a long one. I wasn’t able to walk for nearly a month. I developed blisters on top of my foot. I now have scaring as a result. I get this burst of pain in it and I’m told there is extensive nerve damage. Now that I can walk I need to use a cane for balance and relieve pressure from my foot. I’m back to work but on modified duty and only 4 hours a day. As a result of this and I guess the stress of the previous year I really started to feel depressed. I felt lonely and isolated, even though my wife was supportive. I felt as if I’ve started to fail in the physical and emotional sense.

So this is where we are today. As of last Wednesday I joined the local YMCA and have taken a few aqua fit classes. I feel this is the best way for me to get some physical activity while not putting strain on my injured foot. I’ve now been to 2 classes and looking forward to going to one tonight.

So now we are caught up of what is going on in my life I will wrap up this first post. I’m going to write another post soon of what you can expect from this blog and what I’m expecting from you as a reader.

Thanks for reading

Chuck 2/27/2017.